Dear Men of Beckenham
Number 1: Just because I have spikey black hair, I am NOT a lesbian.
Number 2: Just because I like dancing with my gorgeous female friend, occasionally suggestively, I am still not a lesbian.
Number 3: Just because I am displaying not the slightest bit of interest in you, I am still definitely not a lesbian. Get over it.
Number 4: Grabbing a woman’s hands and pretending you are pedalling a bicycle is not dancing – and I am not a bicycle.
Number 5: Suddenly rubbing yourself against a woman’s ass is not going to help you pull. Be prepared to lose your toes to a stiletto heel.
Number 6: If you rudely push past anyone to get to the bar, you will probably find your knee giving way from behind – note: this will probably happen once you’re actually carrying your drinks that you’ve just paid for.
Number 7: Swarthy men in particular – no means no.